About a month ago, before it got so blooming hot, I was enjoying my back porch with BFF Lucy. By the time it got good dark and we had polished off our bottle of wine, I began to get a little emotional, maudlin even; we'd been talking about our mothers, and I began to cry. "I don't want to get old and senile like my mother did!" I wailed. "Shut that up right now!" she barked. "Besides, I heard if you work a crossword puzzle every day, you will stay mentally alert."

I'm not sure Lucy's remedy works for everybody. I do know that playing Scrabble every day and beating the computer makes me feel smarter. Coming up with something to say on this blog everyday is a challenge that exercises a couple of the old brain cells, too. Maybe that's why I was worried about slipping into senility.... blogging was proving to be too difficult. With my feeble mind, I just couldn't think of anything worthwhile to say. I still can't, but today that isn't stopping me.

It's been a fairly productive day for me. The depressing funk comes and goes, but the latest one is beginning to clear. I've suffered some dark bouts of blue devils since the December accident. The antidepressant helps, but drinking the occasional glass of wine cuts its effectiveness, my pharmacist tells me. Guess that's why I don't do it very often.

Mike's condition slowly improves, especially since he started counseling, but I'm really tired of having to drive him everywhere. I'm not sure he will ever drive again, the brain damage was too severe, plus his eyesight was affected. He's controlling his temper better, and is making a conscientious effort to empathize. And he stays in his room most of the time, which I really appreciate. It's not an ideal set-up, but it could be a lot worse.

We are blessed and today I feel thankful.

One of the home-improvement projects I've almost completed is the building of a screened-in back porch on our back deck. The courtyard between our garage and condo has been completely covered with decking since we moved here in '97, and there was a hot tub that we lost interest in after the first year or two. The hot tub has been removed and some of the decking, which gave me a couple of spaces for small flower gardens. It's not exactly like I visualized, but it's getting there.

Right after the work started on this project, I was awakened around 4:30 one morning by my dogs barking at some dogs outside, who were also barking. When I went to investigate, I found 2 dark brown Dachshunds on my front patio, along with their "pup tent" carrier, their food, their bed, and their toys. Who thought I needed two more dogs?

Niko Baron and Riko Aaron spent that day with me, and Gus and Jay-Jay got over their jealousy after a while. Even though their names were on their collars, there were no tags. I really wished I had the resources to accommodate them permanently, two of the cutest, smartest, sweetest dogs ever, but I didn't.

During the course of the day, I met two people who were interested in adopting them. The lady from the dentist office wanted only one of them, but I hated to split them up. They had already been separated from their people, I hated to separate them from each other. It was easy to see they had been playmates for a long time. The man who came to look at them said he would take them both. We had mutual friends who recommended him as an honorable dog lover, so I sent them home with him. And they were at his house for about a week when, I learned, he gave them to a friend. The Dachshunds did some damage to the man's house one day when they were left alone with his Golden Retriever. His wife said they had to go.

I'm still not sure what happened to Niko and Riko. I'm haunted by the thought that they may have not yet found a permanent home. I know people are struggling these days to keep their homes, and pay their bills, so I assumed they came from some unfortunate circumstances. I figured that someone knew I am a sucker for homeless animals. (The two dogs I have were adopted from the street and the two cats were adopted from shelters.)

If anyone out there knows where those adorable Dachshunds came from or where they are now, please tell me "the rest of the story." I've wondered and worried about them for almost a month now.

It's been a lazy day for me, lazier than usual. Probably the most productive thing I did was to go grocery shopping, prepare a couple of meals, and pay a couple of bills. I've been in one of those nostalgic moods listening to music from the 60's and hanging loose. I know...it's a hard life.

We're in the process of selling Mother's house in Plantersville. Due to lots of unfinished business that I never got around to finishing, it's taking a lot longer to get this done than it should have, but we're getting there. Maybe letting go of our last tangible tie to my hometown has influenced some of the sadness I've felt today.

I did learn that my friend Gloria was re-elected as mayor by a fairly large margin. Congratulations to her! Glad to know P'ville is still in good hands.

My cousin Skip was here yesterday and today. Somehow I always manage to have more fun than usual when he's here, and this time was no exception. We acted much younger than we are by staying up last night until almost 1:30 and drinking way too much wine. BFF Lucy came over when she got off work at 7, so we had some serious conversation, but also lots of silly, silly stuff. This morning we were painfully aware of our real age. For lunch, the three of us met George and Benji at Primo's and continued to enjoy good food and lively conversation. Benji shot this picture with his cell phone. From L to R: George, Lucy, Skip and me. Thanks, Son!

While Mike was in therapy at St. Dominic's this morning, Skip and I went to Lemuria Book Store. It's such a cool place to hang out, to browse, to buy. Loving books as much as he does, I was surprised to get Skip out after just an hour, and with only one book. He and George are both avid readers, and when you put them together with Benji, I feel almost illiterate compared to them, but two are English professors and the other taught history, so it's no wonder. Maybe I soaked up some smarts over lunch.

I've got Z's to catch up on tonight. Sweet dreams!

The computer seems to be back in good working order. I've been a little lost without it. Yes, I know I skipped blogging for the whole month of April just because I wanted to, but the month of May was skipped due mainly to a computer that went crazy and had to spend almost three weeks with the Geek Squad. They finally traced the problem back to my Kodak camera's software, which they removed. Not sure what I'll do with the pictures I take from now on. Can I simply plug in the little thing-a-majig that pops out of the camera and download from it? One of you geeky guys or gals can answer this, I know.


It's been a good day, so far. We celebrated the Day of Pentecost at church, complete with tongues of fire and the gospel in several languages. We even heard 1 Corinthians 12: 4-13 read in the most perfect Southern drawl imaginable. The anthems our choir sang were totally unfamiliar to a majority of singers an hour before they were sung beautifully in the service. Sounded like we'd been singing them forever. God's grace scores another win.

Then there was our Feast of Pentecost, a delicious luncheon of international cuisine in the parish hall (Chinese, German, Italian, Mexican, American) with several different flavors of music (including dancing) and drinks (the margaritas were the crowd favorite). It's one of the things I love the most about Episcopalians - they do know how to party!

But nothing resonated with me quite as much as today's reading from our devotional book Forward Day by Day. I've copied and pasted it here hoping you will blessed by reading it, as I was. Maybe it will help you understand why I find the hymnbook to be as inspiring sometimes as the Bible. I suspect it was written by David James, even though I couldn't find his name attached to it anywhere. In the review of his book From Loss to Hope is this: Inspired by James' reliance on the hymnal as a place to turn for guidance, hope, and promise, each reflection closes with a hymn quote, using verse as a bridge back to the tradition of hope that has sustained so many through so much. It certainly suggests he wrote this meditation, doesn't it?

John 15:26-27; 16:4b-15. If I do not go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.

Here am I, O Love divine. I rise, I dress, I eat, I work, play, sleep, and rise again. It's not a bad life, and yet it leaves a cold and empty place within me. So come down, O Love divine, all loves excelling, joy of heaven, to earth come down! Seek thou this soul of mine, for I cannot seek thee. I know neither where nor how to look. Seek thou this soul of mine, and visit it with thine own ardor glowing. Warm the cold and fill the empty place with thyself, for thou thyself art warmth and thou thyself art fullness. Thou art all compassion; pure unbounded love thou art.

O Comforter, draw near. Nearer and nearer draw to me till thou art nearer than the breath in my lungs and the beat of my heart. Within my heart appear--be seen, be felt, rule. And kindle it, thy holy flame bestowing, until my heart burns with holy fire. Then let it freely burn, till earthly passions turn to dust and ashes in its heat consuming, with a flame no ocean can quench. Unhindered, unchecked, O let it freely burn!

Do you remember smoothies? I've rediscovered them, and make at least one every day. There are so many options that we rarely have the same combination twice. What a great way to get plenty of the healthy stuff like fruit, yogurt and juice! And since the yogurt I buy is sweetened with Splenda, and the juice I buy has no sugar added, it's a great diet food, very filling and satisfying. Get that blender out and whip up something good-for-you! Can't wait to try this on my 4 year old picky-eater next time he's here. Why haven't I thought of this before now?

We had a slim crowd at church today, probably because of the rainy weather, thunderstorms before and during the service. My lights went out at home, had to reset all the clocks when I got up.

Benji called to tell me he was on his way to some Memphis-in-May concerts - Bonnie Raitt, James Taylor, and a couple of others whose names escape me now. I might even stand in the rain to hear BR and JT. Maybe next year.

I've enjoyed my Saturday. How about you? Probably the most fun thing I did was a wedding this afternoon and the reception afterwards. Or was it entertaining my friend Lucy this evening? It's a toss-up; I enjoyed them both.

I noticed lightning to the north of us while we were on the patio, and the weatherman is predicting thunderstorms, so I guess we'll be wetter by this time tomorrow, which is okay with me. I hope everybody enjoys their Sunday.

I attended the service at Beth Israel again last night and heard a good sermon by the Rabbi entitled, "For God's Sake, Love Your Neighbor." From the Torah, in the middle of Leviticus, there was a passage that sounded a lot like The Golden Rule, but I was not familiar with it, and haven't been able to find it in my Bible since I got home. If anyone knows where this is, please tell me.

With a Little Help From my Friends- The Beatles

Great song and video. Enjoy!

A month without blogging?!? Did I really do that? I did. It was a very difficult, but productive month for me, a month of introspection rather than a lot of meaningless blah, blah, blah. Sometimes I just have to do that. Most of you understand.

Mike has gotten strong enough to go back to St. Dominic's Outpatient Rehab for physical and occupational therapy. The peripheral vision in his left eye is gone, so I'm driving him everywhere he needs to go. He may get his peripheral vision restored, he may not, nobody knows for sure.

He's also had a neuro-psych evaluation by Dr. Irby, who has been his neuro-psychologist since the 2004 stroke. He had test results from then and now to compare, and on the 7th, he's going over those results with us. He did notice some fatuous lability in his initial interview with Mike on April 17th, which explains why I feel like I'm living with a 14 year old boy most of the time. It also explains why he's perfectly content to watch TV all day and night and tends to favor comedies and comics. For now, he's stuck in "silly mode" and wants to be entertained, to be amused, and has very little tolerance for the frustrations of adult responsibilities. His short fuse can swing him immediately to the other end of the emotional spectrum with lots of hostility, belligerence, etc. He has very little control of his emotions due to the pre-frontal cortex damage. That condition could improve, but it may not. He is working on it. Please, friends, continue to pray for him.

I've been through a spell of insomnia and sleep deprivation, but that is beginning to correct itself. Most of it was due to stress, I believe, but once I worked through a good bit of the internal head noise and unhealthy attitudes, I'm sleeping much better. It's taking lots of journaling, counseling, prayer, meditation, exercise, antidepressants, and friends calling attention to unhealthy behaviors to get me back to the middle of the road; now let's pray that I can keep it between the ditches. It ain't easy. Today I feel grounded, not something I take for granted any longer. I got a solid 8 hours of sleep without pills last night, and that is a real blessing.

I appreciate those of you who have expressed concern.

I get by with a little help from my friends.

Okay, I admit it, I'm about burned out on blogging. Coming up with new thoughts on my very mundane life is challenging, to say the least.

The dejunking project has not really taken off, yet. The work I had scheduled for Tuesday got rained out. Wednesday is my running around day when I'm gone more than I'm here. The crew that is removing the old hot tub is rescheduled for tomorrow, but rain is also moving back in tomorrow, so not sure when this will actually happen. I am attempting to discard more than I normally do on garbage pickup days, Tuesdays and Fridays, so that's progress, I suppose.

The new development in my musical avocation is opera. I've never even been a fan of opera, but this week I'm singing in one. The St. Philip's choir agreed to help our director in Saturday night's performance of Cavalleria Rusticana. We are doing the part of the Chapel Choir, and will be off stage, with no make-up or costumes required, when we sing.

Last night's rehearsal was rough. None of us were impressed with the rude director of the opera chorus. I hope he's had an attitude adjustment since then. We've got to go back tonight to rehearse again, and I don't feel motivated to do much for someone who acts like a world-class a**hole. We may sound very amateurish compared to the other chorus, but for last-minute volunteers, I thought we sounded pretty darn good. I was not the only one who left last night wondering why I bothered.

I'm trying to get my mind geared toward a major junk-purging project. My house has collected an incredible amount of worthless junk, and being the packrat I am, it's painful to think of parting with most of it.

My friend Lucy has promised to help. As a former drug and alcohol rehab counselor, she's created a packrat rehab program for me. I really am tired of being tacky, and it's come to that, I'm afraid; my poor-white-trash ways are catching up with me. This will be more than spring cleaning. It's a major life-style change.

I'm very apprehensive about it, but a little eager and excited, too. Why do we hang on to things that have long passed their usefulness? I've even got things around here that have never been useful, or beautiful, and why I gave them space here is not clear, but I did.

Hi, my name is Cathy, and I am a junkie.