Tuesday, January 06, 2009

We've had a typical January day here - cold, gray, raining, miserable. Some folks relish these days, and they do give us a great excuse to hibernate, but that's not always practical, is it? My blues just got a deeper shade of blue, and my anxiety surfaced several times. I've got to get a handle on this, but until certain matters are settled, I'm not sure how to do that.

I was grateful for the Epiphany Service at church tonight. Having something like that to look forward to all day helps, not sure if it's the camaraderie among choir members or the beautiful music or the socializing afterward at the auction. It was fun, and I tried to enjoy it, but like Eeyore, I couldn't completely shake that dark cloud that's been following me around everywhere.
I really don't want to be the pitiful person whom everyone avoids, but I get the feeling several people are deliberately avoiding me. If you've ever been through a divorce, you know how it is. Some people act like they think I've got something contagious, and they don't want to catch it. Well, everybody has their own threshold of pain and discomfort, so I'm trying not to take it personally, but there were a couple of shoulders I thought I could count on that have suddenly gone cold, and it hurts. They may be going through a crisis of their own, so I'll try not to judge them too harshly. And I do have plenty of friends who care enough to listen whether I need to rant, scream, or cry. I am truly blessed with good friends.
My visit with Mike today was pleasant until we started arguing about an NASD test scheduled on Thursday that he said I have to take him to. The National Assoc. of Securities Dealers may be giving exams on Thursday for agents who want to renew their licenses, but I don't intend to take him over there, and I'm hoping he doesn't mention it again. Maybe the whole idea will disappear as quickly as it appeared. He sounded totally irrational as he insisted that he doesn't have a choice about it.
Getting Mike back into Methodist Rehab still requires that I agree to let him come home at the end of his treatment, according to Dr. Irby. I hope they have some way to instill in his addled brain the need to stay away from alcohol. I'm really apprehensive about the prospect of bringing him home anytime soon.

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