Mother weighs 45 lbs less than she did when admitted to the nursing home in August 2003. Her appetite is lessening by the day, but "her skin is not breaking up," the nutritionist said. Evidently, the skin begins to deteriorate if a person is malnourished. She is increasingly fatigued as the cancer eats at more of her body every day, and she sleeps a good part of the day. She brightened with a smile and a few words when I visited, but within about 5 minutes she was gazing out the window with heavy eyelids, then they closed. I just don't see how she can last much longer. But how many times have I said that, and she continues to chug along? Lord, have mercy on my frail mother and don't let her suffer. Answer her longing prayer to go home soon. Amen.

Our "Better...Off Broadway" musical revue has stirred up a lot of excitement among choir members. The Mardi Gras masquerade party is promising to be much fun and very entertaining. I still don't have a kimona, but I bought a pattern and fabric yesterday, so I can stitch one up pretty easily, if, by this time next week, I still don't have one. Several people are helping me locate one. I found several at Jaki's Costumes yesterday, but most were old, stained, dirty, nothing I wanted to use. I hit several consignment shops with no luck, too. My beautician says she can use a black rinse, then straighten my hair for the pageboy-with-bangs look, or we might just pull it back and put it up in the back, which I like better. We're staying in the Japanese costume all night and during the Cabaret hours we'll do the "Going to the Chapel" as the Yum-Yum's, my character's name from The Mikado. I may also do a solo from My Fair Lady, "I Could Have Danced All Night," but not sure, yet.

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I'm enjoying Jerry Grace's rants over at SBC Outhouse. He expresses some of the same frustration I was feeling when I finally threw in the towel. As a man together with several of the other men who are also pissed, maybe they can get some changes made. When my great, great grandfather the Rev. Jeremiah Johnson attended the first SBC convention in 1845, I doubt he had any idea how close Baptists would come to one day installing a Pope. What has happened to the autonomy, the free-thinkers, the democracy that used to characterize that great body? People who used to feed on the whole Word of God have become so insecure they need to be spoon-fed? So enamored of Paul that they've made select passages from his epistles to the early churches into a new set of laws for today's church? It's just too scary to trust the Holy Spirit for individual expression? For scriptural interpretation? Where women are concerned? For private prayer language? What a shame!

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I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days.

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I took a quiz the other day to find out "How do you experience the Holy?". My answers determined that I am a seeker (and why I was unhappy as a Baptist long before I actually left). Lots of seekers in the Episcopal Church. Here's the summary.

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Seekers are people who naturally connect with the Holy One through questioning. They have a healthy skepticism that makes it easy for them to explore different opinions, understandings, and experiences of faith. They do not feel the need to accept traditional faith patterns in order to come to a lively trust in God. They do not feel that faith needs to be categorized or institutionalized in order to be real. Inconsistencies and mystery are not daunting to them, but they sometimes find it hard to recognize God in ready-made answers to questions of faith. They seek to relate to the Holy One through exploration and journey. They tend to pray with hopefulness rather than certainty in God’s response. If they were to meet God face to face, they would want to ask God questions.

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The woman who met Jesus by a well near her town exemplifies the qualities of a seeker. She was courageous in speaking with Jesus — a male who was outside her tradition — and she even boldly challenged Jesus when he questioned her about her faith and life. Though she was on a path of trying to find and live spiritual truth, she was humble enough to accept new truth when it was revealed to her.

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If you are a seeker you may find spiritual meaning through asking questions and testing the normally accepted assumptions about God and faith. As a seeker looking for truth, the journey will be as important to you as the destination.