I wish I'd been in the mood for today's festivities. I wasn't. My reluctance to throw myself into it was mirrored in our Gospel reading from Matthew 22, especially this part:

But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing a wedding robe, and he said to him, `Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding robe?' And he was speechless. Then the king said to the attendants, `Bind him hand and foot, and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.' For many are called, but few are chosen.

I sat on the sidelines and envied those who were thoroughly enjoying themselves. I was not alone, however; there were several of us who said if the choir had not had such an essential part to play, they would have stayed at home. At least, I didn't have to weep and gnash teeth all by myself.

The most disconcerting part of this occasion is that it draws such a raucous crowd. Episcopalians are normally very reverent, entering the church quietly, kneeling to pray first thing, whispering discreetly to those around them if any visiting is done at all. Not on Goat Roast Sunday, they sound like a three-ring circus crowd. So the first mood I fell into was one of resentment for those who come only when they can be "entertained."

Then the old Baptist hymns put me in a sappy, sad, nostalgic funk. Surprisingly, I recalled every word of several old songs I haven't sung since this time last year - The Old Rugged Cross, Higher Ground, Leaning on the Everlasting Arms among them. Hearing Bluegrass bands always makes me miss Don, and I came as close to tears as I've come in a long time. Maybe it was getting the sad news about Paul Ballard's death right before leaving for church that tilted me to the down side of my emotional see-saw. Whatever it was, a gloomy cloud has hung over my head all afternoon.

I watched an unsettling interview on the PBS Bill Moyers' Journal this morning. George Soros is discouraged by the efforts being made, so far, in bailing out our economy. Then there were all those reports of Republicans claiming fraudulent voter-registration efforts. Are they gearing up to steal another election? At least, Obama is on top of it:

On Monday, Obama's communication's shop is expected to go on the offense on issues of voter protection after a week in which Republicans cried foul about registration efforts in various states and painted the community organizing group ACORN as a criminal enterprise.
Obama aides will attack Republicans over efforts to disenfranchise voters in several states, and announce a voter protection campaign involving hundreds of volunteer lawyers around the country.

That cheered me up some as did several predictions of an Obama landslide next month, some from conservative columnists even. Let it be, Mother Mary, let it be.