Sunday, March 02, 2008

One of these days, I'll learn to keep my mouth shut. During choir rehearsal this morning, I smarted off about the descant we were practicing which angered our director and caused him to cancel it. I knew before I said it that I shouldn't say it, but it was like I had no control over what came out of my mouth.

It's not the first time this week that I've lost control of myself. The adult in me has had to work overtime to manage the unruly child in me. It's a scary feeling. Ever since I got off Zoloft, I've felt slightly manic; technically, that's called hypomanic. From Wikipedia:

In manic and less severe hypomanic cases, the afflicted person may engage in out of character behavior such as questionable business transactions, wasteful expenditures of money, risky sexual activity, abnormal social interaction, or highly vocal arguments uncharacteristic of previous behaviors. These behaviors increase stress in personal relationships, problems at work and increase the risk of altercations with law enforcement as well as being at high risk of impulsively taking part in activities potentially harmful to self and others.

Of course, adjusting to the new burst of energy I've had since getting off the antidepressant can be disorienting in itself. I haven't seen the video of our Mardi Gras program, but everybody who has seen it says I look like I'm on speed. Journaling helps and I've done a good bit of that when I can concentrate, but my mind races too much to be able to settle on one thing until it's finished. It's one of the reasons I've not blogged much lately. I start a post, but can't finish before I'm off to something else.

Let's pray I don't do anything crazy enough to get locked up, in jail or the loony bin. If it gets much worse, I'll get my doctor to recommend a psychiatrist. Something is going on that I haven't experienced before.

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