Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I went to the 6:30 Al-Anon meeting last night and Mike went to the 8:00 AA meeting. I liked the group I was in and felt welcomed and cared for from the start. The openness and honesty that exists in these groups encourage a sort of immediate intimacy among members not found in other groups. I probably should have been going long before now. It's been 14 years since I attended any 12-step group, and, after listening to the others share their "experience and hope," I soon recognized the foolishness of my choice to go it alone with most of my problems with Mike.

Bringing the focus back to my own unhealthy behavior, getting a sponsor, working the steps, all require that I set aside the willful independence and pride that drive me, and allow others who have been down this road to help me. That is very hard for me to do. With God's help, and the help of each other, we move to a much better place, emotionally and spiritually, than we've been.

Mike hasn't had a drink since Sunday. Yesterday was calm and peaceful in our house. "I am truly sorry and I humbly repent," he told me, borrowing a line from our Prayer of Confession that we use in our church's liturgy. He was sincere, I believe. He's decided to concentrate on encouraging the Dr. Jekyll side of himself and discouraging the Mr. Hyde part, actually it's more like the Nutty Professor/Buddy Love conflict, but it all boils down to the old tug of war between good and evil, moral and immoral, doesn't it? It won't be easy, but for now, he's committed.

So am I.

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