When I went with Mike to the Quest meeting on Monday night, there was a young man there who had lost his short term memory function. Since Jan05, he's seen several specialists, been diagnosed with more than one brain malfunction, and has struggled to adapt to his job as a computer engineer without the benefit of full mental capacity. His attitude was positive and optimistic, and I instantly admired his tenacious courage. It was then I determined to quit worrying about dementia.

In watching my mother's mind deteriorate over the last 15 or 20 years, I've had this great fear that the same thing would happen to me. I learned from listening to this man that there are therapies and coping strategies available to help. If my mother had acknowledged her problem and been willing to work on it, she might not be where she is. The root of her problem, I believe, was hyperthyroid causing depression and cognitive slowing, that coupled with her lifelong habit of denial that anything is wrong. By the time she started taking medication for the depression, she was too entrenched in her downward pattern to stop or slow the decline.

She hung on to her music and her word puzzles until she was 84, then she lost interest in doing those, or maybe she was not able. She still responds to music, humming the tune to whatever I play on her small electronic keyboard, frowning when I hit a wrong note. Sometimes when I visit, I give her "spelling tests," she never misses one word and that always makes her smile, but she can no longer play her organ, or hold a pencil to write.

She still remembers to watch the clock for mealtime, and wheels herself to the downstairs dining room to eat. When the nursing home staff realized how it helped her to use this small amount of initiative, they started allowing other patients who were able to do this. No longer are they required to stay in their 2nd floor unit and eat with the other Alzheimer and dementia patients. She was eating her lunch the last time I was there, and I don't think she was ever aware of a daughter's presence. I did remove the glasses she was wearing, they were somebody else's trifocals. She has reading glasses, but they're forever getting lost. When I asked her why she was wearing glasses that didn't belong to her, she said, "Shhh, don't tell anybody." I left them on the table when I rolled her back upstairs.

Weekly visits have turned into monthly visits. She barely recognizes me and makes no effort to interact. Unless I take her back to her room for a private visit, she's too distracted by the people around her to have a conversation. And the last couple of times I took her back to her room, she protested. I'm at a loss to know what to do when there's nothing I can do.

Paying her bills and taking care of Medicaid requirements are the primary ways I assist her now. And that ain't easy! I've got to go to the bank today and open her income trust account. Her caseworker has still not told me how much has to be deposited, but I hope it leaves enough to pay property taxes and insurance.

Mick stayed outside last night, something else I haven't told Mike. He escaped when I let the dogs out and never came back. I took the flashlight and walked all around the house several times looking for him, but to no avail. He was at the back door wanting in when I got up. And he hasn't been real interested in going back outside this morning. Maybe he's decided he'd rather be an inside cat. He's on top of my computer now. It's become one of his favorite resting spots. And it makes the dogs so mad when they see him up there.

Get off your butt, Cathy, and get dressed. You can't spend the day in the house, too much to do. For some reason my delete button is not working today.